no word is spoken, to disturb the peace
the wind has calmed with the night
breathing in, i feel my pain
breathing it out, i let it go

breathing in and breathing out
just a small smidgen of silence
allows the madman to hear his own voice
and learn finally to love himself

and it was quiet upon the waters
his heart was broken, yet
the still waters brought a cool sense of joy
and it was wet, and it was good

and all of time, finally ceased,
and nothing but love remained.


i accept my pain
i accept the hurt i have caused others
i accept the hurt they have caused me
i accept the craziness in my mind
i accept the brokenness of my heart
i accept each ordinary moment
i accept the yearning in my heart
i accept the yearning in my heart
i accept the yearning in my heart

Silence, so gorgeous

So simple and complete

All of the morning’s activities resting in it

All of the evening’s yearning

 

All of me, resting in silence

And arising again each day

 

What seems important,

Subsides again, the tide goes out

And joins the ocean of

Silence

 

Even the sound of the ocean’s surges

Is silence

And returns to silence

 

Peace

And the way forward

Arise in the silence

 

The past is redeemed,

The future is dreamed

In the silence

 

And now, just Now

 

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

what can i give up now?
what can i throw out of the window
to keep the jet aloft?

ideas of who i am,
insecurities
dreams
hopes

one by one i'm tossing them all out
till i am stark naked with the truth

of what use am i, while i still dream
of what i can be, and what i can achieve
and what i can have

of what use am i,
thinking vainly that you can save me
or i save you

give it up, give it up, give it up
all of it, still i try to negotiate
to keep one little piece of turf
to call my own, to call me

give it up give it up give it up

i want so desperately to be a true friend
get past my indulgences and weaknesses
but i can't bypass anything

see it, feel it, hold in my heart
and let it all dissolve on it's own

i have to give it up, truly give it all up
and make no deals to keep anything
for my self,

just giving it all up
giving myself up
and embracing the nothing
that is
left.
so that
i can be
the peace
and love
i know

arises
after throwing all the rest

away.

embracing everything as it is
giving everything up

living passionately
being completely detached

if there is a me
then it seems paradoxical

that one me
could be
two different ways

but sitting in the early morning
staring at the dark red floor
the me seems to be real
but vanishes when i look at it

is the me, really just a spot of awareness?
no thing at all, but a recognition of being awake?
when i don't tell a story, but just sit quietly
with my me,
it melts into the red floor
becomes one with the candles and the incense

breathing in fresh air-
who lets go
and who embraces?

Carefree Presence

One cannot seek happiness, for it is the result of realizing the Truth. The personality, which has security and pleasure as its aims, cannot be happy. Pursuing pleasure or safety will entail
covering up any unpleasant or frightening truths. This automatically closes Joy. For Joy is the radiance of the heart when Truth is appreciated.
   The state of Joy is that of lightness, delight, enjoyment, happiness and sweetness. One becomes a radiance, a playfulness, a carefree presence. One delights in reality. One sees life as a light and playful adventure. Every moment is a source of singular joy, for it is the very presence of Truth. One realizes that Joy is the radiance of Love, which is the breath of Truth.

H. Almaas

 

 

This morning apple blossoms

Rise up to meet me.

They have nowhere else to go

No one to talk to

No job to go to.

It’s tough when you are all alone

And the world doesn’t care whether you

Awaken or not…

So go have breakfast

Oatmeal, eggs, pancakes, whatever.

Feed your body, its doing the best it can

Drink some water through your roots,

Breathe the free air.

Who cares whether anyone wants you or not!

It’s morning, the air is fresh, the apple blossoms

Are your friends.

And you thought you would make something

Of this life…

It’s all about breakfast, and the perfume of

Apple blossoms, in the morning,

As the world awakens…

Not to be coy, but who goes to heaven? Where "i" go in the future, means that i am traveling in time, and there might be a better place and time sometime else. Other than now...
Don't heaven and hell exist now? Focusing on past reincarnations and future reincarnations also takes me out of the immediacy of my life, right now.

i heard it said this year, that trying to be spiritual is a guaranteed way of being unhappy. And earlier, that pretending to be enlightened when we are not is also a sure way to suffer.
So i aspire to truly living in a natural state of what i understand to be a world of connection and love, awakening to oneness. How it really has been for me this year has been a tumultuous year of blissful peaceful experiences, and dark nights of the soul.
     A friend sent an email about his breaking down and ending up in the hospital, and friends helping him out as he deals with depression. A later email explained that his breakup with a girlfriend sometime this past couple of years led him to this state.
     And this yearning for connection, for the communion of heart and mind, the commingling of flesh in ecstatic love, is so present for me, and i feel as if i can't run from this issue. I feel as if i need to bear my heart wide open, expose my chest and walk straight into the fire. The fire is the passion evoked by a woman that i love. And what i am moving towards is the courage, the clarity and the strength, to love with my whole heart every moment. I want to love you in this way, whoever you are that step into my world for a moment. Right now, embracing the mystery that brings you here, and brings me here, to relate with you for one precious moment. Knowing that the next moment you may be gone....
   And i can see the only way to really conquer this battle of love, is to allow my sense of self, of a separate identity, to dissolve, for it is this illusory sense of self that imagines Me Walking Through Time, and suffers when it imagines that tomorrow will not bring the bliss of today, or suffers remembering the bliss of yesterday, and wishing to experience it again.
   Nothing new here, but what is alive is my own experiencing of this truth, this learning to embrace the moment fully, dissolving myself again and again. And the wound of love, of unrequited love, love found and lost, romantic love in it's many faces, it is my path. And my prayer is that as i feel this wound fully, and learn it's lessons, that i can share this journey, for i know i am not alone in suffering the pangs of love.
   Becoming whole, finding love that is not dependent upon anyone or anything else, that is my quest. I feel it means a passionate engagement with life always, not some philosophical detachment. Or maybe, both happening at the same time, a detached observer and a passionate embracer of life.
   And there is of course another side too, for even as i write this, i am laughing at my earnestness! It is once again my mind that makes this quest into something solid and serious. In truth, i move through my day with many different experiences and moods, and more and more i just live without as much commentary! Ah, my friendly commentator in my head! He's worked so hard all these years, always explaining and commenting on life...
  And finally, i enjoy the differences in perspectives that people bring to a subject like this. I love a lively discussion with someone who disagrees with me! Romeo loves Juliet because she is different, and in the embrace of the other, self dissolves into space, ecstasy arises from emptiness. Give me a feisty disagreement any day, over any feigned agreements...
 
or something like that....

so what remains?
as the universe breathes in
and out
illusions of separate lives
the contraction of self
and the expansion of
infinite bliss

what after all is the point
of endless ecstasy?

drinking a cup of tea
breathing in the mystery
surrendering to the sound
forgetting the boundaries

what after all is the point
of suffering?

In the heart of suffering,
eternal bliss.