was there a time? when no reflection existed? still, calm lakes kept their visions to themselves, and the mind moved like water, never to reflect upon it self. was there a place? when home was real and every breath, every story every word returned to a resting in silence, in infinity in the Home beyond mortar and brick. is there a morning when i wake up and go about my day happily greeting each person as they show up every sensation, every feeling, every thought just a friend i meet in an ordinary way. awakening from a dream of illness a deep imagining of sorrow a lake of suffering in which it seemed i might drown remembering health and whole ness i wonder if i'll begin to take happiness and health for granted??? perhaps each morning over a cup of tea or coffee i can say a short prayer "thanks for this breath may i remain grateful and share this gratitude with everyone i meet" and be of service without the worry over my own health. Compassion for the suffering my own and that of the whole of humanity. Laughing at myself my pompous serious quest may all beings have a good laugh this morning!

teetering
balancing
ambition
rest

fire
passion


where the cool lake of my love
encounters the eternally dissatisfied
fire of my heart

a dream of dreamers
a world of peace and beauty
and yet the desire itself burns
and i return to my cup of coffee

walking as a child, balancing
on a curb, swaying
if i fall off, what to do?
walk the curb again


resting in the ambition
even the ambition
can be peaceful
win or lose
armageddon or heaven

as a child, building a world
breath by breath,
moment by moment
of that which is beyond love
and beyond oneness
and beyond beauty.

you know it in your heart,

don't you?

how about who am i? if it is answerable, then i have solved the riddle of the ages! but i believe it is unaswerable if that means answering with the mind. it can only be answered with the whole body, with that which is beyond subject and object, with losing my self in the mystery, in the process...who am i, and what is grace, and does God exist? No words can answer....perhaps we can manifest an answer

it began before i was born
saviors on the cross
conquerors with the sword
and puritans in a new land

they sat in wooden benches for hours
praying to a stern God who allowed no fun
no dancing, no card playing
no sex except for procreation

and then having just visited
the unknown mystery, the palace of God
and the garden of the Goddess
i became flesh and blood again.

as a child, unknowing of the dangers ahead
i laughed and played in fields of flowers
i skated on frozen rivers, rode my bicycle
everywhere.
 
as a teenager, i pondered and questioned
why am i here, and what is the truth?
why is society so cruel, so ugly?
what is going on here?

and feeling the adolescent desire
drawing me like the ocean to the shore
girls were like a dangerous mystery
that i feared and wanted with all my being.

singing my song and playing my guitar
yearning for completion and true love
and meeting the zen master
and seeing the truth in his eyes.

and still wandering, and still not knowing myself
and still hoping, and wishing for redemption
in the arms of the goddess, the touch of a woman's flesh.
not knowing that the truth of all existence

is the spiritual warrior giving up the war
is the mountain climber stopping for tea
is the lover looking within
is unspeakable, unnameable, unknowable

feeling the desire to the bottom of my toes
opening my heart to the suffering of the universe
surrendering my quest and letting grace decide the game
kissing you and being kissed, with no goal in mind

a meandering path through the woods
on a sunny morning, the light shooting through the trees
shadows and light and the scent of a fresh dew
nothing to do, nowhere to go

one world to save
or,
one world to love

just as it is,
just as it is not

in life
and in death

forever
kissing
your
soft
skin

tasting the nothingness
of your lips.

Nothing! But if i say that, perhaps you will think my life is perfect and i am happy and contented. Not exactly...But it occurs to me that it is exactly the desire to change things in my life which takes away from my underlying happiness. My life is complex, some things seem to be going very well, other things not so well. But that also shifts all the time. In fact, it is all changing all the time, so whether i desire the changes or not, they will happen. What i need to change is the desire to change things in my life! But since it is human to want to change things, then i get to accept even that desire to change things. Radical acceptance of who i am as i am, and the world as it is-that's what appeals to me today.

May the thread of my song
be not cut before my life
merges in the sea of love.

(from a book, God Makes the Rivers to Flow)

hi, my wonderful zaadz friends! What a fascinating place this world is, a circus of beautifully creative caring  people....I have not been writing so much poetry lately, contemplating the larger missions in my life as i tend to the daily details of my life. And i have been putting blogs, videos, pictures and writing up on my website, so if you are curious you can go to treehuggermusic.com and check it out. I have taken some lovely bike rides in this north valley area of Albuquerque where i live, and enjoyed the cool evenings and mornings as we head for winter. Excited about Halloween, a holiday which can be very potent, if we remember in the way of the old Celts who were of the opinion that the veils between the worlds are very thin for the next two months, and those who are in another world, can visit us, and vice versa.
    a poetic lull....

with curving walls, and descending and ascending pathways and stairs, different levels, some areas with full sunshine, some dark and cave like, patios for the morning, afternoon and evening, rooftop deck, trees and vines touching and woven into the texture of the house, edible berries and fruit trees, asparagus and rhubarb, a greenhouse, a study on the second floor, north facing with northern windows for a drawing/painting room, music studio, dug into a hill, south facing, completely self sustaining, with views in every direction, the ocean close enough to smell, windchimes hanging and singing in the trees. the kitchen looks out over the hill and ocean below. Friends' homes are nearby and there is a common workshop, common yoga and dance studio, a common playground for the children. A glade in the woods with a few benches for worship of the great mystery, where daily we give thanks for the beauty and grace that brings us here.

sun dims
electric lights are turned off
an orange glow from pumpkins
happy faces,
scary faces,
cowskulls and people walking

thousands of years of progress
and the candles glowing
within the orange flesh;
enchanting,
brings a glow of satisfaction!

the wood fire, burning, glowing
glowing, glowing, glowing
no matter how much technology improves
there is a simple glow that
brings me home

coming home to the humaness of
everyday life, nothing
exotic or faraway, no states of
incalculable bliss,

yet weaving the pumpkins into
a tapestry that includes the computer
as it showcases and shares the orange lanterns
cyberspace, that connects us all even as it distances us
from flesh and blood connections.

homes made of wood and earth, with
high tech solar panels to capture the sun's rays
just as the ancient dwellers in the cliffs
dug their apartments in the south facing rock

weaving a tapestry of technology and
pumpkins
a tapestry of simplicity
and cutting edge software

finding our way through the crazy
search for happiness, which has led
far from home, far from the pumpkins
finding our way to another home
with modern marvels sharing a place
by the hearth, with the fire blazing,
the children carving pumpkins
and sending the pictures
to their friends across the globe.

We can get there from here
if  we stay close to our hearts,
and close to home,
close to the tenderness of  open hearts.

and when the spiritual journey
brings us spectacular fireworks,
shivers of kundalini rising
and explosions of cosmic consciousness,
we open our eyes
and return to earth
and sit with loved ones
by the ancient hearth fires

with our friends
carve pumpkins.

breathing
laughing
dreaming
i see the fool who sees me

i no longer wish to understand

i just want to linger in the mystery
wonder at the wonder of it all

i might die tomorrow
what have i accomplished?
nothing, nothing, and more nothing

one wave, washing up on shore
crashing, wholeheartedly,
and disappearing forever.

did you want to know me?
there was nothing to know.
when i look at your face, i imagine i know you
i imagine i know myself
nothing but color and shapes and movement
emotions, high tides, sun bleached desert
animals looking for their next meal,
water miraculously coming out of a spigot.

no one knows anyone, or as thoreau
told me long ago,
"The arts and sciences, a thousand appliances,
Lo, the wind that blows,
is all that anyone knows!"