This used to be a fox....or maybe it still is a fox, only in another manifestation.
I used to be a spiritual person.
I used to know who i was.
I used to consider myself a failure at times.
And sometimes a wonderful caring man.
And sometimes a pitiful neurotic basket case.
Brilliant, intelligent, far seeing and wise.
Short sighted, lost in momentary pleasure.
I’ve been it all.
And a lot of it i’m not proud of.
Some of what i have been proud of seems about as solid as this fox.
I’m disintegrating.
I’d like it to happen before, i return to the earth,
fur and bones.

(I have written on this topic several times recently in my blog. But definitions change as i change....)

Success.
The concept requires that i step out of this moment, and away from my current situation, and compare one picture of success with another.
This is the very slippery nature of this concept. And i can pretend to be spiritual and beyond notions of success...

But i am not. I still want success. So what is it that i want?
And what if my life so far is a failure? By whose standards is it a success, and by whose standards is it a failure?

For the cockroaches, success is measured one way.
For a stockbroker, success is measured by money.
For a farmer, harvesting healthy vegetables and fruits.
For a lover, a kiss.
For the paratrooper, jumping invisibly behind enemy lines, without getting snarled up in the lines.
For a singer, a song that lifts the soul.

The root of success is to leave all notions of success behind.
And when one of my personalities craves success, to kindly humor it.
Success is leaving this mad talk inside the brain, and surrendering to the love that manifests
as squash and computers and cleaning floors and spider webs.
Loving lovers, and being alert on the highway.
Forgetting success, and remembering who we are,
moment by moment,

success is a fantasy, and which of us can speak of success
when we are living in a dream?

My soul knows this place.
It wants comfort. A hand, a caress, a kiss,
but i know that i too
did not come into this world to be comforted.
Work is at hand, floors to be cleaned,
old junk taken to the dump
dust bunnies swept from closets.

I am not the beautiful man i imagined myself to be.
Just ordinary, full of pain, neurotic and wounded
Yes, light has penetrated, and blessings have arrived,
for that i am eternally grateful.
And i am even grateful to see the places that have gone unloved
and the work that has gone undone.
The emerging Self is grateful to feel this writhing and moaning
worm make itself visible.

For how else can this old parasite
be convinced to leave for good.
If not for the Light, i could stay in the damp dark basement forever.
But the work that needs to be done, it is not for me
but for the children and the flowers,
this ancient Worm was not my creation
and the songs i sing are not mine.

Let this be done.
Enough tears have been shed, and enough whining and self pity.
It's nothing really, in a world of horrors, and children being bombed.
Nothing to speak of, when all hell is breaking loose
And the Light of the earth herself,
breaks through all of the basements of the world
And as the old structures give way, built as they are on foundations
of greed and selfish madness,
there is yet a moment where all seems possible
and the destruction of the world
a necessary sorrow
to allow the flowers of light
to shine in new meadows
where love and love only is worshipped
and each gesture to each other
is made from the purest of hearts
with no agenda, hidden or otherwise
other than to meet
my Self,
dancing in a World of Light.

Being enamored of my own self consciousness...thanks to my zen friend Seiju for that little nugget, when he said it, it just rang true. Observing this endless stream of commentary on what is actually happening, at times i forget that the Source is endlessly bubbling up, and showing up as different people in my life. Enjoying the relationship with life as it walks in the door of my consciousness, in whatever form it arises. What gets in the way is me...

My mother loved me and still loves me unconditionally. It is amazing to know that someone in the world cares about me in that way, for most love is conditional. She had a passion for the rights and well being of all those who are less fortunate. When i was young, living in a small town in Ohio (Woodville, population 1700), there was a divorced woman who lived by herself, and few people paid attention to her. My mother invited her to our house for Thanksgiving, although we kids frowned on it!
  My mother gave me a copy of the Tao Te Ching when i was a teenager, even though she didn't understand it. She kept an open mind to the explorations of her chilldren, and supported whatever direction we wanted to go, as long as it was a path with heart.
  She was devoted to her Christian faith, and walked her talk, living a life of Christian service to people, treating others as if they mattered.
  I am very grateful in many ways to my mother. May the rest of her life on this planet, and her journey out of this body be free of suffering, and may she realize in her own heart, the gifts she has given to others.

(my note: I wrote this for my friends in the local oneness group)

So much is happening in the world, and so much is happening in my own heart and my own life.
What i want to share with you is my musing on success, and peace.

Success: What is success for you personally, and how would success show up worldwide?
What would success look like in the oneness movement?

We usually have a picture of success. In the political arena, it might be that our party wins the election.
I'm thinking that a President who honored people, plants, animals, and the whole planet: that would be a success.
Personally, I would have a deep, intimate partner in my life. And a successful music career.
The oneness movement would be sweeping all around the world, and people would be receiving the blessing
and having big parties of groovy loving energy.

I know that it is popular in the New Age to take these kind of dreams and make them into affirmations.
But affirming something that exists in some other time and place, can be a sure route to suffering.
The divine grace that has brought the Oneness Blessing into my life, has made no promises as to what my life
will look like, and no promises about whether i will achieve "my success". When i was in India, I asked Amma for a successful music career,
and she tapped me on the head, and said, "It is done!" But she didn't say what that success will look like...

Who knows what will happen tomorrow?

Despite the seeming imperfections of my life, Grace has descended into this very moment, into this
slightly dysfunctional, living, breathing, mistake making human being.

Tying our happiness up to the Dream Making Machine, tying it up to whether or not we are successful,
it will drag us up and down. Today it is sunny and warm and calm, but tomorrow the winds may blow dust all over town.
Maybe my allergies will kick in, and my daughter will be grumpy.

Grace is alive in all of that, too...

It is not to say i don't want to be open for change, or have goals and projects. That is human, we have work to do,
and sometimes we have real fun...But don't wait for oneness, don't wait to be successful, don't wait for enlightenment,
or the New Age house on the hill. It may never come, and if we die tomorrow, would you want to say,

it was all a big mistake, i never got what i wanted!

Grace descends into everything right now, just as it is.

Peace is calling our name,
for we all come from nothing, and are returning to nothing all the time.
Grace, falling like a gentle rain, awakening the peace that is already in our hearts.
It was never anywhere else.

Until i have learned to bring the greatness out of myself, how can i truly bring greatness out in others?  So one way is to strive for greatness in my own life. To never settle for being in my own complacent bubble, but to continue to grow and expand. Modeling a way of being...
The other way is to pay attention to others, and listen to them. Each person's path is so unique, there must be a unique way to encourage others to their greatness. For one, it may be a hug, and encouraging words. For another, or at another time, a slap on the hands, and strong words might be the right remedy. The right action shows up when i am in the flow of the Way.

So, what is success?
Is there a universal concept that has meaning?
Or is it entirely a personal matter?
My success, different from your success.

Following the trend of new age network marketing new thought
the secret is that we think our world into existence
buddha said the same two thousand years ago

and certainly it is true...

but why do i think what i think?
What is in me that sabotages "success"?
Do i know what success means?
And do i know who wants success?


Is success getting what i want?
Wasn't Hitler successful?


Is success being self actualized, manifesting my True Self
and not being identified with the ego and it's identities?

Is success knowing love, being loved, and being loving?

Is success my daughter, intelligent, clear and compassionate,
finding her way in the jungle of modern mental madness
and being happy?

Is success being happy?

Is success accepting what is as it is, and not wishing for change?

Is success changing things so that the world more accurately reflects
my mental image of what it "should" be?

What is success?

And why do i care?

Is it in the future?
Or can i be completely succesful right now?

What is success?

Success for me presently is cleaning my house consistently and thoroughly.
I suppose that's not very exciting.
Across the world in India the Oneness Temple is opening.
Oprah is on TV with Echart Tolle.
Songs are being sung, painting painted, skyscrapers are built.
And i'm just cleaning.

Both inside and outside, cleaning starts with seeing the dirt.

Living in the concepts of what i want the world to be,
what i wish it was,
and how it has not allowed me the "success" for which i have yearned.
The world does not follow my script, and hence i am unsuccessful.

Cleaning house inside is seeing the concepts that color my perceptions,
and letting them dissolve in a solution of love* and Presence.

Cleaning house outside is seeing the condition of my house,
and the condition of my friendships,
and the condition of my working life
and recommitting to being clear and present.

I'm walking through the cobwebs of the internal dialogue, explaining, yakking about this and that,
"making sense of it all"
and just doing the work that needs to be done, with less reference
to the non stop chatter of my mind

Seen in this way, my mind is both pitiful
and funny!

And matters less and less every day.
Clear mind, clean house,
nothing to do, nothing to say, not waiting or expecting anything

open, ready,
like a tiger ready to pounce
a tulip enjoying the spring breeze.

Cleaning house, inside and out.
Down there, on the ground, beside the bush
next to the board that separates the concrete
sweep it vigorously, the dirt resists cleaning.

Some vestiges, some memories,
identities.

Places i have been, the man i thought i was
When i look more closely, it's dirty, it's musty,
it needs to be swept clean.
Not that it is bad, not that it is good,
it just needs
cleaning.